So I saw a psychiatrist recently. I’m familiar with the process, I’ve done it before. And though I was feeling better, I knew it wasn’t necessarily a permanent thing and I kept my appointment. The doc said a few things that made it seem so easy, or sound so easy, which may have helped me realize a few things. I don’t know. I do know just seeing a doctor about my depression seemed to help make it not so bad. Maybe because it was my choice to see the doc? Not sure I have the answer to that question either.
Side note, the increased meds might be helping my pain too.
Anyways, after a month of a low dose of meds, I asked the doc about increasing my meds. He thought that was a good idea and thought it would help. Indeed, I think it has.
A strange thing happened today. I was talking to my husband and actually used the word happy to describe myself. Specifically I was happy muffins I had baked turned out delicious. It really is the small things, like muffins.
So yea, depression is a cold bitch. She invites herself, stays as long as she wants, does anything she wants, and primarily focuses on making you feel like shift, or maybe numb, or maybe guilty, or maybe just plain sad. That’s another reason why she’s so horrible, just when you think you know what she’s going to do, she changes it up on you…pulls something else out of the magic hat.
You have to take life hour by hour on the bad days and day by day on the good days. Until one day, you catch yourself daydreaming and realize you were just thinking about the future.