I finally reached 10,000 words! Today. And that’s okay. I think I’m excited about this but my depression makes it kind of hard to tell. My depression has been kicking my ass making everything a struggle since the time change for DST. Like a switch went off in my brain. Literally everything, from getting out of bed to eating. Anything that requires a decision. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve edited this blog post even.
I prepared quite a lot for this year’s NaNoWriMo, putting in months of time for brainstorming and organizing my ideas. I felt pretty good going into November, except that I didn’t find a way to outline scenes that worked for my brain. I’m still having trouble outlining scenes actually.
From the first day of the month, words have been hard and they slowed down the farther into the month I got. My top word count day was 1,148 and my lowest count day was 97. The good thing is I feel like I have beginnings of some scenes. I also feel like I still have gigantic holes in my story that I’m hoping will fill in as a write.
I wish I could tell you I’ve found some kind of amazing plan that gets me over 1000 words a day every day, or something, and that’s why I’m writing this post. But no, not so far. At some point in the last week when I realized that it was depression making me struggle I decided to continue working based on the writing plan that Chuck Wendig shared on his blog quite a few years ago. So far it’s working. So far I’ve been putting the time in at my laptop until I have at least 350 words. The first 100 are the hardest. I’m going through the motions.
Instead of writing this blog post to share some amazing observation about writing, I’m writing it for everyone else out there with a chronic disease who doesn’t think they are good enough because they can’t reach 50,000 words in NaNoWriMo. You aren’t alone. Writing with chronic disease, whether it’s depression or chronic (physical) pain, is difficult, and slow.
The only way you finish is to keep going. So I’m going to keep going. I’m hoping to have 25,000 words by November 30.