Bodies are weird & everything is connected part 1

Laying in the dentist chair this afternoon trying to be comfortable and not being comfortable I realized a thing.

Maybe I’ll make random posts like this more often? Maybe? What do you think? Anyways.

My legs are (slightly) two different lengths and my torso is slightly longer than average….

I bet I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to account for lower back pain – so like making sure I have proper lumbar support – probably having a higher chance of lower back pain from the leg length discrepancy throwing off my hips and then other variables like breasts. By the way breasts get in the way of a lot of things.

Then, because of the leg and torso things, I’ve spent a lot of time not giving my neck proper support, because I can’t have both neck support and lumbar support in the same full back chair.

And then all of these things are (more recently?) made exponentially worse because of Fibromyalgia and lesions in my spine from Multiple Sclerosis and the pain caused by both of these.

So because of my leg discrepancy maybe I have significantly more neck problems than I would otherwise. Who knows.

Yesterday I had a needle poked in my eye

It was nothing serious!* Two nights ago I got something in my eye. Everyone has done this at least one. Wait a second, I didn’t just get something in my eye I got SOMETHING in my eye. By the end of the night I was pretty sure it was out but my eye HURT. Like I was starting to get a headache it hurt so much. I ended up going to bed and just laying there with my eyes closed instead of doing something interesting like reading before bed.

Yesterday morning the same eye was all red and angry looking, more like I was hung over. Eye seemed better, it wasn’t bad, just a smidge uncomfortable. Fast forward through some drive time and some looking at computer screens time and I’m realizing my eye is really really bothering me. Then I notice the little BUMP on my EYEBALL. So I started to get nervous. I started to wonder if I’d scratched my eye the night before. I ended up calling our eye doctor and getting an appointment in the afternoon. (Husband drove home from work to get me – and then drove me to the appointment. We made it there on time!)

Finally, I’m talking to the eye doctor. I explain everything – with my eyes closed because at this point I’m more comfortable with my eyes closed. (Ophthalmologist.) He also happens to be really nice and really smart. He’s talking to me, and looking at my eyes and first he does the professional doctor speak for HOLY SHIT THE INFLAMMATION. Then finally, he notices the bump that I’m talking about. He explains it’s a cyst (There’s a big word for it I don’t care like googling for right now.) But it has to do with your eyeball healing and then not quite healing correctly and a cyst is formed. The cyst has tears in it. I’m thinking OMG NOTHING SERIOUS!!!!

So the doctor goes on to explain how you can like wait for them to go away or something – or pop them with a needle. I’m like You can do that? Let’s do that! Right now! The doctor was really surprised. So he puts a few drops of stuff in my eye to numb it – immediate relief by the way cause now I can’t feel shit in that eye. He’s also explaining how the only way to get the cyst gone completely for sure is to cut it out – but that involves an operating room and a microscope. I’m like, nope.

So, he tells me to look one direction – which happens to be away from the needle by the way. I make sure I don’t see the needle and I sit with my chin on that thing. You know that thing. Few seconds later. He’s popped the cyst and explaining how I could have bloody tears for awhile and I’m like yea, ok, whatever. (I DON’T CARE YOU REMOVED THE THING!) Then he hands me a tissue for the bloody tears dripping out of the eye I can’t feel. So then – short story version – I tell my doctor to watch the Daniel Craig James Bond movies and also point out there’s a bad guy that has tears of blood in one of them.

On the way out to the car I was telling my husband how the doctor was really surprised that I didn’t mind the needle part. My husband pointed out that well obviously! It’s not often a doctor can make something better immediately for you so when a doctor could fix something you were all for it! I was like, duh. Yea, you’re totally write.

Other happy outcome of eye doctor appointment: he gave me “strong” antihistamine eye drops to try and a prescription for steroid eye drops to help when I have a flare up. I was like wow, that’s a really good idea because when I have a flare up the OTC allergy eye drops work for like an hour.

End result folks? It’s ok to have a professional stick a needle in your eye. If he or she is dressed like a clown? Then run the fuck away!

*Side note: This blog post is brought to you by the letters W and B, for writer’s block. I’m participating in NaNoWriMo but haven’t been able to write today. I finally realized it’s because I have writer’s block!

Acceptance

Accepting the reason you haven’t felt yourself is because you have a chronic illness there is no cure for is…. Difficult.

I’m still working on accepting that I have fibromyalgia and will for the rest of my life. Though I think I’ll start hoping for a miracle cure in the next 20 years.

This last week or so has been full of realizations. All different kinds. I’ve cried a few times too.

1. If I’m having a good day I shouldn’t procrastinate.
2. Now I know why I stopped eating tomato soup.
3. Now I know why I always need to shower after a haircut.
4. It’s ok to admit you’re in pain.
5. Admitting you’re in pain is easier than trying to ignore it.

I’m trying really hard to start good habits now…. And not feel guilty for being horrible to be around cause I wasn’t well before.