I need to see if I can get some of the crap out of my head. I have two neurologists.

Right now, my medical history includes:*

  • depression**
  • anxiety
  • diverticulosis (asymptomatic)
  • autoimmune problem causing histamine intolerance (case study with an immunologist)
  • regular pollen and dust allergies – except they are more severe than “normal”
  • food allergies
  • food sensitivities – no gluten, no MSG, the list goes on and on
  • asthma
  • migraines
  • fibromyalgia
  • bulging disc in my lumbar – L4/L5 I think

I can now also add:

  • lesions in my brain and cervical spine
  • degenerative disc disease – no idea how bad
  • slight Scoliosis – middle of the back – I guess it’s minor?

In another 4 to 8 weeks I might also be adding multiple sclerosis to this lovely list. Technically, the neurologist’s blood tests and/or lumbar puncture could find other problems. It wouldn’t be the first time. Multiple sclerosis has it’s own list of problems which might explain some of the other constant problems I have which aren’t in the list like:

  • chronic pain
  • chronic fatigue
  • chronic sleep problems
  • cognitive/focus problems
  • muscle pain
  • needing supplements and regular medicines multiple times a day

I know, logically, that I should not feel like I’m drowning. I should not be eaten up by anxiety and depression in varying ways on varying days…. However, it’s hard to find the little things that keep me breathing in among all the other things that are scary. I know I should take care of myself.

I know that technically nothing in my body has changed – except that maybe the pain I experience at different levels every day is a sign of a larger problem. Except, now I know I’m likely to have back pain/problems/issues for the rest of my life.

What’s spending a few more months in discomfort and pain, feeling like your body has betrayed you – when you’ve already spent years feeling that way?

If it’s not multiple sclerosis – which can be treated – I have no idea where I’m going from here.



*Oh look, this distraught Virgo is making bullet pointed lists.

**I have no thoughts of suicide.