I had a realization earlier today. In the past I have paid attention to current events, to some measure, regularly. Lately I have avoided current events, preferring to live in my own little bubble. This has been for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is because reading more about social problems reminds me that I cannot be what I wanted to be. I earned a Master of Science in Applied Sociology because I wanted to contribute to making the world better for people. You know… reasonable goals… world peace is a really outrageous goal.

Because I now cannot work, or volunteer and have a great number of issues with focus and concentration I have yet to find some way to have a purpose in life outside of living day to day. Everyone says that if your job is something you truly enjoy then it won’t be work. (or however the words go)

What if you can’t work and

you do something and manage to spill a mostly full glass of water over your lap, laptop, the couch, and a few other things.

Wait, what? Where was I? (Besides, on another computer in another room a few hours ago.) I don’t know where I was going with this now but I don’t want to throw away this blog post either.

I know that my chronic illnesses have seriously affected my life in ways I haven’t yet figured out. Maybe this means I’m still trying to find a purpose in life beyond being a wife, cat mom, knitter and MMO player, as well as a professional patient. Maybe there’s something else I’ll come up with. It’s pretty obvious I don’t know where to go from here.

Beyond recognizing that this is a sad but important realization to have. I just don’t know what to do with this information.