Since I haven’t been in the mood to write I’m going to try writing here. Following the prompts from here I’m going to do the first three days in one go. Here it goes.
All about you
Hmm. How detailed to get? I’m 39 (holy shit) and from the Northeast US but now I live in Texas. I was adopted and have complicated thoughts about family. I have two college degrees, including a Master of Science in Applied Sociology but I don’t work because of my mental and physical health problems. Physical health problems include multiple sclerosis so I have chronic pain too. My easier to talk about mental health problems include anxiety and depression. I see doctors/medical professionals a lot. I’ve been married for (uh, counts) 11 years. My husband and I have 4 cats and a house. (Easier to have 4 cats in a house than an apartment.) Yes, 4 cats can be a lot of work but (usually) it’s worth it.
What else? Hobbies? Right, hobbies. Computer games, knitting, reading. (Mostly comics and fantasy. With some nonfiction.) Does watching Netflix count? I’m a Supernatural fan (the show). Since I have 2 tattoos at least in part inspired by Supernatural I guess I’m a pretty big fan. (No anti-possession tattoos here.) I don’t get out a lot, partly because of my health, partly because of the time required to get anywhere around the terrible urban sprawl that surrounds Dallas.
Let’s move onto “why you write” shall we? This is where it gets messy.
I write because I need something since I can’t work. And because I have the time. Writing fulfills having my brain work and analyze. I love the actual process of writing. I loved writing in grad school – except when I didn’t. The worst part about writing is that I don’t get new ideas often. My brain is too busy doing other unnecessary things or dealing with chronic pain to be that creative that regularly. That’s why my blog doesn’t see new content regularly. Beyond that, what really resonates with me is writing the book you want to read. There are certain things I wish there was more of in fiction. One such thing is more characters with mental illness who are getting on just fine despite their mental illness. (Like this one.) Another is characters who are women who contribute to the story and drive the story. Women with agency. There’s more of such books available now though. (Like this series.)
I’m getting off track. I write because I love words. Words have a power that not everyone recognizes. I write because it uses my brain. That’s closer to the truth. I write so I can create. And I think probably I keep writing, or trying to write, because it’s painful. When I’m writing I’m winning out over my mental illnesses; I’m showing depression I can see through its games and lies. And I write because. because. Because it’s amazing to create something out of nothing. Because I can. Someday I’ll actually write words and scenes and finish a story.
On that note… my goals.
I’ve never done Preptober seriously before, not with enough planning or logical goal setting. (“I’m going to write.” is not a goal.) I’m hesitant to make any specific goals for October beyond my (new) standard of 900 minutes or 15 hours because of my doctor appointments. No wait, not hesitant. Scared. This year is the most prepared I’ve ever been since I my first NaNoWriMo in 2012. I wrote utter trash in 2012 that doesn’t need to see the light of day ever again, but it was great practice. This is also the first year I’m part of an (online) writing group for November NaNo. I’ve been developing this story for almost a year. It’s improved quite a bit in that last year but I have invested a lot of energy and I won’t start writing words that turn into scenes that make a story until November 1.
Right now I’m working on a synopsis that can be the framework for an outline but it’s illustrating where I have holes in my story development. So my goal for October is to get as much of that synopsis completed as possible. However, I also know that’s not a good goal. It’s not specific enough. So I think my goal is to push through the fear and keep writing. Yea, that’s my goal!
I will push through the fear, anxiety, and second guessing and keep writing. Keep moving forward. And maybe someday learn to shut up that “inner critic” because I can’t figure out what I like best for my story if I don’t write it down first. I should write that down somewhere so I don’t forget it.