Muffins equal happiness

So I saw a psychiatrist recently. I’m familiar with the process, I’ve done it before. And though I was feeling better, I knew it wasn’t necessarily a permanent thing and I kept my appointment. The doc said a few things that made it seem so easy, or sound so easy, which may have helped me realize a few things. I don’t know. I do know just seeing a doctor about my depression seemed to help make it not so bad. Maybe because it was my choice to see the doc? Not sure I have the answer to that question either.

Side note, the increased meds might be helping my pain too.

Anyways, after a month of a low dose of meds, I asked the doc about increasing my meds. He thought that was a good idea and thought it would help. Indeed, I think it has.

A strange thing happened today. I was talking to my husband and actually used the word happy to describe myself. Specifically I was happy muffins I had baked turned out delicious. It really is the small things, like muffins.

So yea, depression is a cold bitch. She invites herself, stays as long as she wants, does anything she wants, and primarily focuses on making you feel like shift, or maybe numb, or maybe guilty, or maybe just plain sad. That’s another reason why she’s so horrible, just when you think you know what she’s going to do, she changes it up on you…pulls something else out of the magic hat.

You have to take life hour by hour on the bad days and day by day on the good days. Until one day, you catch yourself daydreaming and realize you were just thinking about the future.


Accepting the reason you haven’t felt yourself is because you have a chronic illness there is no cure for is…. Difficult.

I’m still working on accepting that I have fibromyalgia and will for the rest of my life. Though I think I’ll start hoping for a miracle cure in the next 20 years.

This last week or so has been full of realizations. All different kinds. I’ve cried a few times too.

1. If I’m having a good day I shouldn’t procrastinate.
2. Now I know why I stopped eating tomato soup.
3. Now I know why I always need to shower after a haircut.
4. It’s ok to admit you’re in pain.
5. Admitting you’re in pain is easier than trying to ignore it.

I’m trying really hard to start good habits now…. And not feel guilty for being horrible to be around cause I wasn’t well before.

NaMoWriMo 2012: What I learned

Let’s keep this simple shall we? How about a list? In no particular order, what I learned from my first – successful – attempt at NaMoWriMo.

  1. When your background is research, theory, or policy papers in an academic setting, fiction is hard. Fiction means you use as many words as you want to. Describing is more nebulous than getting your point across in a clear fashion.
  2. I spend a lot of time watching tv shows or looking at random stuff on the Internet. I don’t have to do that.
  3. It is worthwhile to prioritize your free time.
  4. Somewhat self imposed deadlines are damned useful. Especially if you buy yourself a t-shirt when you meet the deadline! Or reward yourself with bright fuzzy yarn.
  5. Writing can be done, even when you’re exhausted and just want to go to bed.
  6. Writing can be done when you’re feeling like the world has been shitting on your head.
  7. Writing is fun. If you let it be fun.
  8. Just like everything else, you need to find the right tools for the job. (I <3 Scrivener.)
  9. I would like to write regularly. I don’t know if this should be blog posts, short stories, or another novel.
  10. 2000 words is a lot in one day when you have to go to the real job too.
  11. Just because you can use your own life, self, or close and personal friends for inspiration or basis for your story doesn’t mean you’ll like it when you’re done.
  12. My book didn’t turn out quite like I expected.
  13. I can write plot. (I didn’t say I could write plot well, I just didn’t think I could write plot before.)
  14. I don’t like writing chronologically or in any other kind of order. With the right tools I don’t have to.
  15. It’s really cool to say: “I finished writing a book today, what did you do?”
  16. Inspiration might come at interesting times. Other times inspiration might leave you crying in a corner, or wake you up at 7 am on a Saturday.
  17. I want to do this again.
  18. I can write while sick. It might not work well, but if words happen, does it really matter?
  19. The first draft is the first draft is the first draft, no matter what you’re writing about.
  20. I think if I wrote more regularly it would be easier to write more in a fixed period of time.
  21. When it’s fiction, do whatever the hell you want. Seriously. Make up shit! It’s ok!
  22. Editing has a time and place. When you’re trying to get the story out on paper? No editing. When you’re trying make it better? Editing is fabulous!
  23. If I spend a month doing a lot of writing, I will miss knitting.
  24. Some people will think writing for the sake if writing and not for the sake of sharing is crAzy.
  25. I should balance tv and reading out a little more. Sometimes my book felt like the plot to a tv show. Or maybe that’s just because it was a little cheesy and predictable and I should watch as much tv and read as much as I want?
  26. I couldn’t have completed NaMoWriMo 2012 without some support.
  27. Writing buddies are good when there’s a deadline.
  28. It’s ok to use random stuff or people in the Internet for inspiration.
  29. You do not need to name a character to continue writing about the character. You can name the character LATER.
  30. It’s a really cool feeling to be aware that hundreds and thousands more other people in the world are doing what you’re doing.
  31. The No excuses part was hard sometimes.
  32. It’s ok to add in silly stuff to pad your word count, or add one more to your list. After all, life has silly stuff too.

[updated] Tree nut allergy: other things not food

I was recently confirmed allergic to tree nuts. I have to eliminate them from my diet. I know that nuts were a problem…but I didn’t realize how serious it had become. I’m glad I caught this before the symptoms got worse than burny/itchy/scratchy throat, cough, and/or rash.

I used to use a body lotion that smells great, has no added fragrance and seemed great on my skin. (which you can now buy online and not just from Bath and Body Works) I loved it cause it has no extra chemically stuff to set off my already sensitive skin. Not long after I started using it…I realized it made my legs break out when I used it right after shaving. Not bad mind you. Just. there. And the lotion burned when I used it after shaving my legs. (That’s normal right?)

Anyways. I figured out the burning isn’t normal after I started looking at ingredients on lotion labels. (I checked with my doctor protein is bad, oil is ok.)

Bath and Body Works refunded me the big containers of lotion I’d purchased…and I spend that store credit on some body wash (Incidentally, that’s cheaper at Bath and Body Works) that I already know is safe for my skin (and smells wonderful). Very glad I was able to do the store credit.

Anyways, I’m emailing C. O. Bigelow through their website asking them, at the very least, to make their labels more allergy friendly. Here’s the email, word for word:


I’m contacting you to ask that you update your label for the C.O. BIGELOW LEMON BODY CREAM NO. 005 to reflect that there is a tree nut ingredient in it. The sweet almond protein in this cream can cause allergic reactions for someone allergic to tree nuts.

For me personally, I was just confirmed allergic to a number of foods, including multiple types of tree nuts. This lotion has actually been causing rashes…. and now I know it’s because I’m allergic to it. Since (food) allergies can be very dangerous, I’m no longer able to use it.

If you cannot change the almond protein ingredient to something that is tree nut allergy friendly then at least please update your label so that it is more allergy friendly.

Thank you!

Sounds friendly right? It’ll be interesting to see when I get a response and what kind of response I get.

And here’s the lovely response I received:

We appreciate you taking the time to contact us in regards to our policies, services and products. We value your inquiry and your interest in Bath and Body Works and The White Barn Candle Co.

We have passed on your suggestion to identify the use of nut oils in our products to our product managers for consideration.

If we can be of any further assistance, please reply to this email or contact us at 1-800-395-1001, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. EST, Monday through Friday.

Knitting: 2010

I started seriously knitting in 2010, making the decision to learn more and progress in my skill… basically, see if I could turn it into a hobby. Turns out I like yarn. I like buying yarn. I like going to the LYS and petting the yarn and eyeing the pretty colors…. err. For project brainstorming. Yea.

I definitely learned a thing or two. My knitting looks better. I finished a few (smaller) projects. I don’t unintentionally twist my knitting anymore. I know a thing or so (not sure I can call it two things) about increases and decreases in knitting. I’ve learned a little about differences in fibers. Merino is purrty! I knit a scarf in the round. I’ve used circular knitting needles to knit flat. Little things mostly.

Going to learn socks and double pointed needles next. I have a book about natural fibers to start learning more about fibers. I have to get better about different weights of yarns. That’ll come with practice. Most importantly I have to take care of my shoulders-elbows-wrists and not knit too much at once. Pain is bad. (Oh, neck too.)

Also, hooray ravelry. I’ve already spent many afternoons looking at patterns and I doubt that’ll stop any time soon.

Evening Primrose Oil

I’ve had good luck with it. I’ve had no major problems with asthma since I started taking it. Been taking 1000mg at night. Still taking the Vitamin B/Vitamin C complex twice a day too… when I don’t forget my morning vitamin and dose anyways.

I haven’t made a decision on the homeopathy and what type of doctor to continue with.


Breathing treatment again today. Before school. Didn’t take an allergy pill yet but I am armed and ready.

This will be the first time I do a breathing treatment before going to school. I’m typing ok-ish with the jitters – hopefully it won’t be a problem.

Either aspirin at 325 mg x2 or for more than 1 day at that dose is enough to trigger my asthma – or my asthma needs to be already irritated. Based on no cough today and the cough receding yesterday I can safely say that I’m “allergic” to aspirin once it reaches a certain level in my system. The only coughing fit I’ve had today is the one set off by the initial hit of albuterol from the nebulizer.

I’m finally getting used to using this thing I guess.

New Sofa

Right about the time I started the homeopathy treatment and went off allergy pills (maybe a month before) we bought a new loveseat to replace a hand me down couch. The loveseat has down in it. The down is becoming more and more of a problem. Recently, because of falling and injuring my knee, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting on the aforementioned loveseat. My asthma is pissed. I’m now needing daily (twice yesterday) breathing treatments with the nebulizer. It’s still not as bad as when I got the flu though. And I’ve just got a cough for the most part. I’m not sure if the sudafed to combat the allergies/sinus problems or the aspirin/ibuprofen have affected the asthma either. But, today should tell me, no more aspirin after the dose I took this morning and no more ibuprofen for now. All of this started with a bad bout with my allergies too! Just another reason as far as I’m concerned to no longer continue the homeopathy treatment – or at least not with the last doctor.

It turns out searching for a couch with no down in it could be expensive. Shopping from IKEA it means we might be purchasing leather.

On the other hand, I’ve discovered that a heating pad on my back helps calm down tight chest muscles – side effect of coughing. I might start using the heating pad on my back any time I use the nebulizer.

Health update and the doctor

It turns out that daily breathing treatments on the nebulizer seemed to help more than the remedies from the doctor for getting over the asthma problems caused by having the flu. The remedy he mailed me (because I couldn’t take the 30 minute min. one way trip to go pick it up) helped. But, definitely still having asthma problems. Monday I needed the nebulizer – because ? – I was exposed to dust, pollen and dust from storm debris on Sunday.

After a lot of thinking and a discussion with OP (in part prompted by his trying out of a new doctor/saw new doctor for first time yesterday) I’ve realized there’s no reason for me to continue to see my current (homeopathic) doctor. The treatment might be helping – but regardless I feel as if the doctor isn’t helping. If you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you, and ignores or doesn’t respond to your questions, why continue going? It turns out I had been trying to give the homeopathic treatment a try and that was getting mixed up with dealing with the doctor. There’s other homeopathic doctors in my area – and closer to where I live – I can look into other options.

But, I might go with a holistic approach instead of a strictly homeopathic approach. I’ve been going to this doctor for like 10 months – the list of problems remaining is longer than the list of things that have been helped. Top of the list of problems is my asthma. Secondary would probably be sensitivity to chemicals, fragrances, fumes, strong smells. It’s possible that the holistic approach has been more helpful than anything else since, for one, I’ve become more aware of what symptoms mean.

I still need to cancel my last appointment with the old/current doctor. The other reason is I’d like to see how I am without any remedies effecting me. Will I be better? I’ve already seen differences from right after a doctor appointment (and taking a remedy) and right before.

Breathing treatments

I do not like breathing treatments. The nebulizer machine is loud. The albuterol tastes like horrible and dries out my mouth and throat. The tremors it causes are really annoying and scary when you don’t know they are going to happen. I need to see what I can do so the tremors aren’t so bad. Focusing on something helps; that’s all I know so far. I think I’ll start calling it the 3 T’s… tremors, twitches and tingles.

Good news though. Breathing treatments most definitely help. The 2 homeopathy remedies from the doctor has helpd a great deal. Maybe better than prednisone.

Asthma and the flu

God damn. This sucks.

I got permission from the doctor to use the inhaler every 2 hours from the time of the last puff. I have a 10 am doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Here’s to hoping I don’t need the ER tonight.

The flu sucks

I had the flu for spring break. Now I’m over the flu but my asthma is fucking horrible. I think I pulled a muscle … or 3… in my neck from coughing. I can’t sleep much with all the coughing. Talked to the doctor a little while, I’m supposed to call him tomorrow morning and see about coming in… He said maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow, which I highly doubt. I feel as if I need some steroids. I hate steroids.

Got class and a study group tomorrow. Test in class Wednesday afternoon and night class Wednesday night. Two classes Thursday. I’m tired just thinking about it.